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September 23, 1914.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
265


FROM OUR SPECIALLY CREDULOUS CORRESPONDENT.

Stoker. "I see the torpedo approachin' us; so, without waitin' fer any orders, I dives overboard, just gives 'im a flick on 'is little rudder, an' off 'e goes to starb'd an' passes us 'armlessly by."



ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

(Extracted from the Diary of Toby, M.P.)

House of Commons, Monday, Sept. 14.—House met to-day with proud feeling of altered circumstance. A fortnight ago things looked bad in France. Allied Armies were continuing prolonged retreat not made more acceptable by being officially named "Retirement." A detailed narrative compiled in neighbourhood of the Army had described the little British Force, long fighting at odds of four to one, as "broken to pieces."

Seemed as if Paris were on verge of another triumphal entry by German forces: France on eve of a second Sedan.

To-day a more hurried retreat is daily accumulating speed. This time it is the invader who, in order to avoid final disaster, is racing back to the comparative safety of his own country, whilst French and British, elate with repeated victory, hang with uncomfortable closeness on his heels.

"In the matter of carefully planned advance and sudden withdrawal, we have," said the Member for Sark, "a parallel episode in our own military history. You remember how 'the gallant Duke of York' on an expedition to Flanders had 'twice ten thousand men,' how he 'marched them up to the top of the hill And marched them down again'? The simple verse lends itself with easy adaptability to present circumstances of our old friend the Emperor William:—

The gallant plumed Wilhelm
Had twice a million men;
He marched them up to Paris town
And marched them back again."

As in depressing circumstances of a fortnight ago the House betrayed no sign of dejection or variation from resolve to see the fight out to a finish, so to-day it does not present itself in mafficking mood. It is nevertheless more than ever resolved, at whatever cost of blood or treasure, to make an end of the throned Kaiser and his system of militarism, the curse of Europe these more than twenty years. Wherein it is truly representative of the nation.

Business done.Premier announces that Prorogation will be accomplished before end of week, with incidental consequence of addition to Statute Book under Parliament Act of Bills establishing Home Rule in Ireland and disestablishing Church in Wales.

Tuesday.—A sitting of alarums and excursions, especially excursions.

Premier introduced Bill suspending for twelve months, or longer if War lasts, operation of Home Rule Bill and Welsh Church Bill, which, in accordance with Parliament Act, will on Prorogation be automatically added to Statute Book. In speech which Bonar Law described as "temperate and moderate," he defended himself from charges of broken pledges brought against him by gentlemen opposite.

"I shall endeavour to imitate him," said Leader of Opposition.

Got along moderately well till, "resuming the offensive," as despatches from the Seat of War have it, he lapsed into comparison between conduct of Premier and the action of the Kaiser in his "infamous proposal" that this country should connive in breach of common pledge to preserve neutrality of Belgium.

Here broke forth shouts of angry protest from Ministerialists. Winston, who can't abear strong languge, rose from Treasure Bench and stalked forth behind the Speaker's chair, example numerously followed above and below Gangway.

This excursion number one. Number