532
THE GREEN BAG
THE LIGHTER SIDE Language of Lawrence Jail. — The late Lieut. John P. Bradstreet of the soth Massa chusetts was for many years a deputy sheriff and turnkey under High Sheriff Herrick at the Lawrence house of correction. All the newcomers were by him assigned to their proper quarters. One day, upon the arrival of a new squad of inmates, there was one who seemed some what more " tony " than the rest, and, calling the lieutenant aside, he claimed a little more consideration than the others owing to his previous standing in society. "I never was in such a situation before," said he, " and I trust you will give me a little different quarters than those others fellows. I am highly educated, and can speak seven different languages." "Seven? " remarked the lieutenant. "That's altogether too many. We don't have but one language here, and d d little o' that." Choate as an Interpreter. — Rufus Choate was once trying a case before Justice Shaw, and one witness who took the stand was a minister. "What is your name? " asked Choate. "Ezekiel Lee," answered the witness. Justice Shaw, not hearing readily, leaned forward and asked Choate what the witness said. "He said, Your Honor, that his name was Ezekiel Lee," replied Choate. "What is your occupation? " continued Choate. "I am a humble candle-bearer of the Lord," replied the witness. Justice Shaw bent over the bench and inquired what the witness had said. Choate responded, saying that the witness had said that he was a humble candle-bearer of the Lord. "Of what denomination are you? " ques tioned Choate. "I am a Baptist," replied Lee. Again Justice Shaw leaned forward and asked what the witness had said, and Choate replied: " He said, Your Honor, that he was a dip-candle."
A Will from the Piedmont. — " Monday, May the 25th 1891. I leaves a peace of writ ing to show other that it my will for my brother John to have all my property, first bury me respectable and pay my Doctor bill, he has had all the trouble with me none of my people never showed any respect to me and John has had all the responsibility with me and he is the one I want to have it his life time and at his death I want the two little boys Jim and Willie to have a part of it and the three girls to have the rest providing they marrie some one that they will take care of it. This I authorize my friend to write — Jane Smith — I am sick and very weak." COUGH-MEDICIHE I had a little husband— I never knew a worse, For better than his wife or life He loved his little purse. I did my best to wheedle him— He saw my deep intent, And though he had a chronic cough, He never coughed a cent. So I sought a little lawyer— My husband's own close crony— And divvied with the man of law My lawful alimony. — Reginald Wright Kanffman, in Saturday Evening Post. Divorce. — Jerome K. Jerome while lectur ing in New York City was dining with some lawyers at a club. "As odd a client as you can imagine,", he said, " called on a legal friend of mine in Rye one morning. "She was an extremely pretty client, but her clear, soft eyes were red with weeping. In deed, she was in tears as she entered mv friend's office. Her little form shook with sobs. "' Well, my dear,' said he (perhaps I should explain that this client was hardly more than 7 or 8 years old) — ' Well, my dear, what can I do for you? ' "' Please, sir,' said the child, weeping pite
