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THE GREEN BAG
The witness answered, " Oh, yes. I had forgotten, but going over it this way, makes me think of it." He said, ' Of course, if we ever find the real line, what we have done to-day don't count,' and I said, ' Of course."" No Such Word. — At a hearing before an Irish dispenser of justice in Pennsylvania the 'Squire stopped the proceedings and began writing industriously. "What are you doing, 'Squire? " asked the attorney for the prisoner. "I'm committing the man to jail," answered the 'Squire. "But you can't do that," asserted the astonished attorney. "I can't, can't I? and me a-doin it," was the calm reply. — Lippincott's. Novel Way of Preventing Litigation. — A nervous old lady was riding down a danger ous looking trail with a California stage-driver, when she noticed a hatchet lying in the bottom of the stage, and inquired why he carried it. "I use that hatchet to knock injured passen gers on the head," replied the driver. The old lady gasped with astonishment. " We have a good many accidents on this 'ere line," he continued; "the stage's allus tippin' over and rollin' down precipices, and every time a passenger gits hurt he sues the company for damages. These here damage suits uses up all the profit of stagiu', and we've had to stop 'em, so every driver carries a hatchet. When a passenger gits hurt we simply knock him on the head and throw the body over a precipice, and then there ain't no lawsuit. See? " — San Francisco Argonaut. The Rooster's Privilege. — A recent action in a New York village before a justice of the peace was tried on a claim of damages for injuries to the plaintiff's health caused by the crowing of defendant's rooster at an un timely hour in the morning, and the conse quent loss of sleep by the plaintiff. After a day spent in the swearing of witnesses on both sides the jury brought in a verdict of no cause of action. This appears to estab lish, so far as a village jury can do it, that a rooster by immemorial custom has the privi lege of crowing at such hour as he pleases in the morning.
Non Compus. — Another sample of the impert inence dispensed from the New York bench by Magistrate Pool, whose removal is peti tioned for, is furnished by his indignation at a police officer who testified that in his belief a boy complained of for a minor offense was insane. "You mean he is non compos mentis," shrieked the magistrate. "I don't believe I understand," said the policeman. "What! You don't know what non com pos mentis means? How long have you been on the police force?" "Twenty-five years," replied the officer. "A detective twenty-five years and don't know what non compos mentis means?" "Yes; if I understood that language I would not be a policeman," was the pat retort. — Boston Herald. Decisive. — The late Judge Charles Doe was engaged as an attorney previous to the time he became a justice of the New Hampshire Supreme Court. The case was all in, the argu ments heard, and the judge had instructed the jury to retire and bring in a verdict. When the sheriff reached the jury-room he discovered that he had but eleven jurymen . Returning, he found the twelfth man com placently occupying a seat in the jury-box. He explained to the juryman that he should retire with his associates and bring in a ver dict. "Hain't got to retire," said the juryman. "Squire Hoar says it's so, and it must be so." A Scandal Averted. — The following ex ample of cross-questioning, I have been told, occurred in this town about twenty years ago. « "Mr. Tucker, will you have the goodness to answer directly and categorically a few plain questions?" "Certainly, sir." "Well, Mr. Tucker, is there a female living with you who is known in the neighborhood as Mrs. Tucker?" "There is." "Is she under your protection?" "Yes." "Do you support her? "
