FACETIÆ. A certain Mr. H once called upon Rufus Choate in the fall of the year, and asked him to accept a retainer in a certain case. Mr. Choate resolutely declined, and said that every minute of his time was taken up till Christmas. Mr. H quietly laid before him a bank-note for $500. Mr. Choate put it in his waistcoat-pocket, remarking, "Not a thing to do till the Fourth of July." A certain learned judge at the Four Courts, says the " Law Gazette," is wont to doze during the more or less uninteresting speeches of counsel, and from time to time to awaken to ejaculate an odd remark in the course of a speech. An elo quent Q. C. was lately addressing his lordship on the subject of certain town commissioners' right to a particular water-way. In his address he re peated somewhat emphatically, " But, my lord, we must have water, we must have water." The learned judge thereupon awoke, and startled the bar with the remark, "Well, just a little drop, thank you, just a little. I like it strong."
The chaplain of a convict prison asked one of his flock, who was in durance vile for man slaughter, what man he had killed. " It was a woman, my wife, and not a man," he replied; "but, sir," he continued, " it was altogether a private matter, with which the public has no concern." Judge Biddle, the wit of Court-house Row, had before the bar of justice the other day a woman who wept most bitterly over her misfortunes. Her sobbing shook the court-room, and her tears, of no mean size, coursed in a great stream down her cheeks and to the floor. While she wept thus pro fusely, a prominent lawyer chanced in, who, see ing the prisoner and hearing her cries, asked of the bench, " What 's the matter with her? " " I 'm sure I don't know," was the judge's reply. "Ap parently she 's waiting to be bailed out." — Phila delphia Record. Daniel Webster, when in full practice, was employed to defend the will of Roger Perkins of Hopkinton. A physician made affidavit that the testator was struck with death when he signed his
139
will. Webster subjected his testimony to a most thorough examination, showing, by quoting medi cal authorities, that doctors disagree as to the precise moment when a dying man is struck with death, — some affirming that it is at the commence ment of the disease, others at its climax, and oth ers still affirming that we begin to die as soon as we are born. "I should like to know," said Mr. Sullivan, the opposing counsel, " what doctor maintains that theory?" "Dr. Watts," said Mr. Webster, with great gravity, — "The moment we begin to live, We all begin to die." "I want to contest my wife's will," said a coun tryman, breaking into a lawyer's office. "Is she dead? " inquired the lawyer, for the want of something better to say. "You bet," blurted out the visitor; " I would n't be contestin' it ef she wurz n't. You never knowed that woman, I guess."
A certain eminent leading counsel was cele brated at the bar for the following mode of exam ining a witness : — "Now, pray listen to the question I am going to ask you. Be attentive; remember, you will answer as you please; and, remember, I don't care a rush what you answer," etc. Lord Brougham, somewhat weary of these oft reiterated remarks, resolved to mortify the utterer of them; and one day, meeting him in the street, thus accosted him : " Ha! is it you, C ? Now, pray listen to the question I am going to ask you. Be attentive; remember, you will an swer what you please; and, remember, I don't care a rush what you answer. Hoiu are you i" THE LAWYER'S WISH. My friends, if you have aught of good to say Of me or mine, oh. do not wait, I pray. Till I am dead, then on my tombstone white Your words of praise and commendation write; For, though I like not flatt'ry, I am free To state my wish, and that is, as for me I'd much prefer the " taffy " while I live To all the epitaphy you could give. Jean La Rue Burnett.
