unfolder and cigar-holder-grip), to the nearest male Belgian; and
All other portable presents to the nearest female Belgian. (These two classes may be neatly acknowledged in the columns of the Courier Belge.)
All larger presents (of the motor-car, pianola and sewing machine variety) to be sold by auction for the National Relief Fund. Marked catalogue of the sale to be sent to the giver in proof of their safe arrival. Yours, etc.,
An Ordinary Englishman.
Officer (instructing recruits in signalling). "Didn't you get that message?"
Recruit. "Yes, Sir, 'Three Taubs and a Zeplin comin' over the 'ill.'"
Officer. "Then why the deuce didn't you sent it on?"
Recruit. "Well, Sir, I couldn't 'ardly believe it."
"The Surveyor reported that the owners of the manure heaps by the Recreation Ground Tennis Courts had by now been covered over with seaweed, etc., thus complying with the Council's wishes."—Barmouth Advertiser.
We hope this will be a lesson to them.
The usual formula for beginning a letter is thus neatly rendered by a Hottentot Boy:
"As I have a line to state just to let you know that I am still soluberious under the superiority of the Supreme-Being, hoping to hear the same likewise from you."
We recommend it very heartily as a good opening for New Years Eve correspondence.
Of ancient pedigree
Who said, "The future of our race
Lies on the rolling sea!"
And straightway laboured to fulfil
His royal guarantee.
He long had toiled and planned,
Unto his Grand High Admiral
He issued his command:
"Go forth, and smite the enemy
Upon his native strand."
His swiftest ships of war
Rained death on two defenceless towns
For half an hour or more,
Till they had slain and wounded babes
And women by the score.
By this heroic deed;
It gloated o'er the slaughtered babes
Öf Albion's hated breed;
And Iron Crosses fell in showers
On those who'd made them bleed.
Were sickened and dismayed;
The Turk, not squeamish as a rule,
No special glee betrayed;
And even Mr. Bernard Shaw
Failed to defend the raid!
The Emperor made moan:
"Though martyred and misunderstood
I tread my way alone,
At least I have the sympathy
Of God on His high throne."
Came accents clear and plain:
"The Massacre of Innocents
Passes the guilt of Cain;
And those who sin with Herod earn
His everlasting stain."
Two announcements at Hereford:—
"Cathedral Service, Sunday, Dec. 13th. Preacher: Rev. H. M. Spooner.
Baptist Chapel. Lecture: 'Slips of Speech and Trips in Type.'"
"Yes," said the President of Now College on his way to the Cathedral, "I know something about slips of speech, but what are tips in tripe?"
