THE TEMPTATIONS OF A SOLDIER.
Fond Mother (who has just seen her son, a very youthful subaltern, off to the front). "I got him away from his father for a moment and said to him, 'Darling, don't go too near the firing-line, will you?'"
The Strategist's Muzzle.—For use in the Home—the Club—the Railway Train. Fitted with best leather gag—easily attached—efficiency guaranteed, 4s. 11d. With chloroform attachment for violent cases, 8s. 11d. Belloc size, 22s. 6d.
Recommended by the Censor.
The Allies' Musical Box.—Beautifully decorated in all the national colours. A boon to organizers of war concerts. Plays all the National Anthems of the Allies simultaneously, thus allowing the audience to keep their seats for the bulk of the evening. A blessing to wounded soldiers and rheumatic subjects. 10s. 11d. carriage paid.
The Coin Detector.—This ingenious little contrivance rings a bell once when brought within a yard of silver coins and twice when in the proximity of gold coins. Absolutely indispensable to collectors for Relief Funds. 2s. 11½d. post free.
Testimonial from Lady Isobel Tompkins:—
"Since using your invaluable detector in my collecting work I understand that there had been quite a run on the banks and post-offices in this neighbourhood for postal orders and the new notes. With the addition of an indicator of paper-money your machine would be perfection."
Happy Families.—The game of the season—with portraits of all our political leaders. Any four assorted leaders of different views make a happy family. 10½d.
Mr. Keir Hardie says:—"I never knew a more aggravating game."
German Happy Families.—Intensely amusing; peals of laughter come from the table when one asks for Mr. Kayser, the butcher; Mr. Prince, the looter; Mr. Tirpitz, the pirate, 10½d.
Burke's Normal Blood.—The presentation book of the season. Invaluable to the newly naturalised. 3s. 6d. net.
From certain Regimental Orders we extract the following:—
"In the early hours of Wednesday morning, what is supposed to have been a traction engine when proceeding southward, struck the west side of the parapet with great force."
Alnwick Gazette.
When proceeding northward it has more the appearance of a sewing-machine.
