FACTS FROM THE FRONT.
Storm of righteous indignation at the enemy's headquarters on their being shown a "barbarous and disgusting engine of war" in use by the Allies. [The Germans have taken a strong objection to the French 75m/m gun.]
(Or a tragic result of Armageddon as gleaned from the Evening Press.)
No more the town discusses
The Halls and what will win;
Now stifled are the wags' tones
On Piccadilly's flagstones,
And half the motor-buses
Have started for Berlin.
New eyes to war adapting
We stare at the Gazette;
Yon eager-faced civilian,
When posters flaunt vermilion
And boys say "Paper, capting,"
Replies "Not captain—yet."
"Remains," I asked, "no station
Of piping peace and sport?
Oh yes. Though kings may tumble,
No howitzers can rumble,
No sounds but cachinnation
Can boom from Darling's Court.
"That garden of the Graces
Can hear no cannon roar;
From that dear island valley
No bruit of arms can sally,
But men must burst their braces
With laughter as of yore.
"While dogs of war are snarling
His wit shall sweep away
Bellona's ominous vapour;"
Therefore I bought a paper
To see what Justice Darling
Happened to have to say.
In vain his humour sortied,
In vain with spurts of glee
Like field-guns on the trenches
He raked the crowded benches;
My evening print reported
No kind of casualty.
No prisoner howled and hooted,
No strong policemen tore
With helpless mirth their jackets,
There was not even in brackets
This notice: "(Laughter—muted
In deference to the war.")
A Traitor Press.
BRITISH PRESS BACK THE ENEMY."
Manchester Courier.
Punch anyhow backs the Allies.
Cardiff claims the honour of having enlisted the heaviest recruit in the person of a police constable weighing nineteen stone odd. He should prove invaluable for testing bridges before the heavy artillery passes across.
When the housebreaking business is slack
And cracksmen are finding it slow—
For all the seasiders are back
And a great many more didn't go—
Here's excellent news from the front
And joy in Bill Sikes's brigade;
Things are looking up since
The German Crown Prince
Has been giving a fillip to trade.
His methods are quite up to date,
Displaying adroitness and dash;
What he wants he collects in a crate,
What he doesn't he's careful to smash.
An historical château in France
With Imperial ardour he loots,
Annexing the best
And erasing the rest
With the heels of his soldierly boots.
Sikes reads the report with applause;
It's quite an inspiring affair;
But a sudden idea gives him pause—
The Germans must stop over there!
So he flutters a Union Jack
To help to keep Englishmen steady,
Remarking, "His nibs
Mustn't crack English cribs,
The profession is crowded already."
