"The crumbling towers, the shattered fanes,
The havoc of the Belgian plains;
Dead mothers, children, priests and nuns,
Who fall before My conquering Huns—
Believe Me, friends, these grievous woes
Deprive Me of My due repose,
And, though enforced by higher need,
Make My Imperial bosom bleed."
As the fat spider wipes its eye
Over each strangulated fly;
As Abdul Hamid once was fain
To weep for the Armenian slain;
As Haynau felt his eyelids drip
When women cowered beneath his whip:
As Torquemada doubtless bled
With sorrow for the tortured dead—
So in his own peculiar style
Weeps the Imperial Crocodile.
THE IMPERIAL PRUSSIAN COLLEGE OF CULTURE.
Telegrams: "Kultur, Berlin."
Principal Dr. von Hackheim, assisted by a large staff of University Professors.
Brutality is acknowledged by the most distinguished Teutonic psychologists to have an important place in modern warfare, as serving to maintain a properly submissive attitude on the part of the unarmed enemy, and the College has been established to complete this side in the training of cadets for the Imperial German field army.
Training by Gramophone.
Many difficulties have had to be surmounted. For instance it was found that, in spite of training students, proceeding to the front showed hesitation in the execution of non-combatants, and grew pale on first hearing the cries of women and children. This difficulty is being obviated by means of gramophone records taken in Belgium, which serve to inure the novice to the sounds of anguish. By the time he proceeds to the front no cries for mercy have any power to move him.
Literæ Inhumaniores.
The curriculum is extensive. In addition to regular musketry practice at moving and stationary Red Cross wagons, hospital bomb drill, etc., courses of lectures are being given by thinkers of the first eminence. Some of the most celebrated names on the contemporary record of German culture are to be found in our staff list. During the coming term, for instance, Dr. Junker, of the Bernhardi School of Philosophy, will give a series of discourses on "The Evolution of the Doctrine of Blood and Iron," "Infantile Mortality and its Promotion," "Philosophic Doubts regarding the Value of Mercy," illustrated by photographs taken in Louvain; and a course of lectures on "The Debt of Art to Atrocity" will be delivered by Professor Blutwurst, who occupies the Attila chair of Anatomy in the University of Leipzig.
Recreation.
The proper recreation of students is not neglected and sports are encourages. Paper chases are held frequently, the paper torn up for the trail being provided by the courtesy of the Foreign Office, who supply the College with all treaties found upon their shelves.
Records in Brutality.
The Principal desires it to be known that he will always be glad to hear from past students now serving with the Imperial Forces who have performed any notable act of inhumanity towards non-combatants.
Teutonic Barber. "Shafe, Sir?"
Customer. "Ye-es— That is, no!—I think I'll try a hair-cut."
The lurid sunset's slanting rays
Incarnadine the soldier's deed;
His rugged countenance betrays
The bulldog breed.
Not his to shun the stubborn fight,
The combat against heavy odds,
Alone, unaided—'tis a sight
For men and gods!
And now his back is bowed and bent,
Now crouching, now erect, he stands,
And now the red life blood is sprent
From both his hands.
He takes his punishment on trust,
As one who sees and yet is blind,
For every lacerating thrust
Comes from behind.
The twilight creeps, the sun has gone,
But triumph fills the soldier's breast;
He's sewn his back brace-buttons on
While fully dressed!
