road. He rode homeward, thinking only of her, of her love, of her happiness; and the nearer he came to the house the more his heart glowed with affection for his wife. He hurried to her room with the same feeling, only much intensified, as he had experienced on the day when he went to the Shcherbatskys' to offer himself. An angry expression, such as he had never seen in her face, received him. He was going to kiss her; she pushed him away,
"What is the matter?"
"You've been enjoying...." she began, wishing to show herself cold and bitter.
But hardly had she opened her mouth when the ridiculous jealousy, which had been tormenting her for half an hour while she had been waiting for him, sitting on the window-seat, broke out in a torrent of angry words.
He then began for the first time to understand clearly what before he had seen only confusedly, when after the crowning they went out of the church. He saw that she was not only near to him, but that he did not know at all where his own personality began or her personality ended. He felt this by the painful sensation of internal division which he experienced at that instant. At first he was offended, but at the same moment he realized that he had no right to be offended, because she and he were one and the same! At that first instant he experienced a feeling such as a man might have when, having suddenly received a sharp blow from behind, turns around with an angry desire to revenge himself on the culprit, and discovers that he has accidentally inflicted the blow on himself, that there is no one to be angry with, and that he must bear the pain and appease it.
Never again did he experience this feeling with such force, but this first time it was long before he could give an account of it. A natural impulse impelled him to exonerate himself, and show Kitty how wrong she was; but that would have irritated her still more and increased the rupture which was the cause of all their unhappiness. A natural impulse tempted him to disavow the blame and cast it at her; but a second and stronger impulse
