Anna Karenina (Dole)/Part One/Chapter 28
CHAPTER XXVIII
Early on the morning after the ball, Anna Arkadyevna sent her husband a telegram, announcing that she was going to leave Moscow that day.
"No, I must, I must go," she said to her sister-in-law, in explanation of her change of plan, and her tone signified that she had just remembered something that demanded her instant attention. "No, it would be much better if I could go this morning."
Stepan Arkadyevitch did not dine at home, but he agreed to be back at seven o'clock to escort his sister to the train.
Kitty did not put in an appearance, but sent word that she had a headache. Dolly and Anna dined alone with the children and the English governess. Either the children were fickle or they were very sensitive and felt that Anna was not at all as she had been on the day when they had taken so kindly to her, that she no longer cared for them, for they suddenly ceased playing with their aunt, seemed to lose their affection for her, and cared very little that she was going away.
Anna spent the whole morning in making the preparations for her departure. She wrote a few notes to her Moscow acquaintances, settled her accounts, and packed. To Dolly especially it seemed that she was not in a happy frame of mind, but in that state of mental agitation which Dolly knew from experience arose, not without excellent reason, from dissatisfaction with herself.
After dinner Anna went to her room to dress, and Dolly followed her.
"How strange you are to-day!" said Dolly.
"I? Do you think so? I am not strange, but I am cross. This is common with me. I should like to have a good cry. It is very silly, but it will pass away," said Anna, speaking quickly, and hiding her blushing face in a little bag where she was packing her toilet articles and her handkerchiefs. Her eyes shone with tears which she could hardly keep back. "I was so loath to come away from Petersburg, and now I don't want to go back!"
"You came here and you did a lovely thing," said Dolly, attentively observing her.
Anna looked at her with eyes wet with tears.
"Don't say that, Dolly. I have done nothing, and could do nothing. I often ask myself why people say things to spoil me. What have I done? What could I do? You found that your heart had enough love left to forgive." ....
"Without you, God knows what would have been! How fortunate you are, Anna!" said Dolly. "All is serene and pure in your soul."
"Every one has a skeleton in his closet, as the English say."
"What skeleton have you, pray? In you everything is so serene."
"I have mine!" cried Anna, suddenly; and an unexpected, crafty, mocking smile hovered over her lips in spite of her tears.
"Well! in your case the skeleton must be a droll one, and not grievous," replied Dolly, with a smile.
"No; it is grievous! Do you know why I go to-day, and not to-morrow? This is a confession which weighs me down, but I wish to make it," said Anna, decidedly, sitting down in an arm-chair, and looking Dolly straight in the eyes.
And to her astonishment she saw that Anna was blushing, even to her ears, even to the dark curls that played about the back of her neck.
"Yes!" Anna proceeded. Do you know why Kitty did not come to dinner? She is jealous of me. I spoiled .... it was through me that the ball last night was a torment and not a joy to her. But truly, truly, I was not to blame,—or not much to blame," said she, with a special accent on the word nemnozkho—not much.
"Oh, how exactly you said that like Stiva!" remarked Dolly, laughing.
Anna was vexed.
"Oh, no! Oh, no! I am not like Stiva," said she, frowning. "I have told you this simply because I do not allow myself, for an instant, to doubt myself."
But the very moment that she said these words, she perceived how untrue they were; she not only doubted herself, but she felt such emotion at the thought of Vronsky that she took her departure sooner than she otherwise would, so that she might not meet him again.
"Yes, Stiva told me that you danced the mazurka with him, and that he...."
"You cannot imagine how ridiculously it turned out. I thought only to help along the match, and suddenly it went exactly opposite. Perhaps against my will, I ...."
She blushed, and did not finish her sentence.
"Oh! these things are felt instantly," said Dolly,
"I should be in despair if I felt that there was anything serious on his part," interrupted Anna; "but I am convinced that all this will be quickly forgotten, and that Kitty will not long be angry with me."
"In the first place, Anna, to tell the truth, I should not be very sorry if this marriage fell through. It would be vastly better for it to stop right here if Vronsky can fall in love with you in a single day."
"Oh heavens! that would be so idiotic!" said Anna, and again an intense blush of satisfaction overspread her face at hearing the thought that occupied her expressed in words. "And that is why I go away, after making an enemy of Kitty, whom I loved so dearly. Akh! how sweet she is! But you will arrange that, Dolly? Won't you?"
Dolly could hardly refrain from smiling. She loved Anna, but it was pleasant to her to discover that she also had her weaknesses.
"An enemy? That cannot be!"
"And I should have been so glad to have you all love me as I love you; but now I love you all more than ever," said Anna, with tears in her eyes. "Akh! how absurd I am to-day!"
She passed her handkerchief over her eyes, and began to get ready.
At the very moment of her departure came Stepan Arkadyevitch with rosy, happy face, and an odor of wine and cigars.
Anna's tender-heartedness had communicated itself to Dolly, and, when she kissed her for the last time, she whispered:—
"Think, Anna! what you have done for me! I shall never forget. And remember that I love you, and always shall love you as my best friend!"
"I don't understand why," replied Anna, kissing her, and struggling with her tears.
"You have understood me, and you do understand me. Farewell, my dearest!"[1]
- ↑ Proshchaï, moya prelest!